The happy ever after

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Слова: Ron Cahute & Ihor Baczynskyj
Мелодія: "Mountain Dew" - Bascom Lamar Lunsford & Scotty Wiseman
Well Варвара and Оферма
Whose real name is Stan
Finally got together
And they were married
They went to local Ukrainian
Кредитова спілка
Варвара co-signed a loan
And Stan got new car
And it was a lovely wedding
Everybody there wore green
In honor of Stan's капуста affliction
Except Варвара
Being the bride, she wore something old
Some new-new
Something borrowed
Something blue
And green, and yellow, and red, and black
And let us not forget dusty rose????
The women from the kitchen
Cooked all the food, except for шкварки
You see it seems Stan has developed
A very serious case of шкварко-phobia
Which was really too bad because
Голубці at wedding tasted like grass
Otherwise food was pretty good
All tasteless, but it was alright
Some locals got together
They rented some musical instruments
They learned eight songs
Released a CD and played the wedding for free
But they did manage to make thirty-eight dollars
Twenty-five cents at the door
Здорованя was after dinner
Everybody stood in line for piece of wedding cake
And picture of bride and groom
Then they drank toast to happy couple with самогонка
A very special vintage, I might add, made just for the wedding
Seems they used fresh water and they washed the pot
Wedding gifts were mostly cash
Except from non-Ukrainians
From them they got electric can opener
??????? those?? Ukrainian mugs with "Варвара" and "Stan" on them
Couple of queen bed sheets
Some kind of bow??????? that to this day nobody knows what the hell it's for
And a set of six shot glasses that say "Bob's Texaco"
People danced all night
Got loaded
And about eleven-thirty
Fight started
After wedding was over
It was that special time for the wedding night
Bride and groom escaped in Stan's new car
To local rooming house
For constipation of their marriage
Everybody came from wedding
To join in festivities or whatever
Next day was поправання
Everybody, of course except non-Ukrainians,
Showed up for free party
Band played same eight songs
And it's been, uh, thirty-eight years since wedding
And according to свекруха
Stan is still Оферма
At least they both have the exact same opinion
They both think the other one's a pain in the ass
And should move out of the house
But now for finale,
Stan is going to sing following song
Let her go Stan!

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